Choo-Choo Charles reviewed by Travis Northup on PC, also available on PlayStation and Xbox.
Yes meet me on the docks Sunset I hope You're ready for a little Monster Hunt I Have an affinity for the Absurd silly And downright stupid so when I heard About a game where you're being stalked By the Demonic equivalent of Thomas the Tank Engine I was suitably excited but While choo choo Charles's premise brings Me no end of Joy the janky and Bare Bones Adventure itself is way more dull Than I thought possible unfortunately This comedy game disguised as a horror Game manages to be devoid of humor and Terror in equal measure and even though The run time is only about 90 minutes I Found myself looking for a way off this Crazy train much sooner Foreign Charles may present itself as nightmare Fuel on the outside but this whole game Is actually just one belabored joke your Adventure begins with a bang when you Board a train with a gun mounted on it And are immediately attacked by the Titular grotesque monster but since Those opening moments are the best part Of the whole thing you're in for a Monotonous jaunt thereafter in order to Kill Charles you have to travel around An island completing Quests for NPCs to Upgrade your weapons and improve your Train's stats until you face old choo Choo himself in a final showdown it's Intentionally funny nature is apparent
In everything from its ridiculous Characters to the idiotic tasks they Give you which includes having to hunt Down a jar of pickles for a woman who's A lot I need my pickles but most of what You're doing isn't particularly funny Choo choo Charles's over-the-top story May seem like the perfect setup for Hilarious Odyssey but it almost always Misses the comedic Mark with dull riding And forgettable care characters that Don't even try to take advantage of that Farcical gold mine the voice acting is Appropriately silly and clearly doesn't Take itself seriously I'm sure Eugene Told you all about me so I need not Introduce myself Named Greg by the way but the dialogue Being read plays things far straighter And I couldn't help but repeatedly shake My head at all the missed opportunities For hijinks you're in for a lot of stuff Like this the prism seems to have been Designed for one purpose to destroy Monster eggs it was all just so Painfully unfunny and that hurts me Foreign most of the time you'll be Riding your train through Barren and Empty environments stopping to collect Scrap metal or complete doll quests Along the way that might have you fetch An item for someone or lock pick a Nearby chest in a terribly boring Minigame the uneventful main quest has
You hunting down three eggs which are Apparently children of choo choo Charles Waiting to hatch into additional rail Car Abominations which can eventually be Used to lure him into a final death Match to get hold of those eggs you'll Need to talk to three NPCs who rattle Off the exact same Exposition dispersed Around the island are three eggs the Mind boss Warren is protecting dangerous Monster eggs that could lead to Catastrophe the Mind boss is keeping Three monster eggs locked away then send You into a mine to steal the egg where You have to avoid dumb cultists carrying Shotguns in some truly horrid stealth Sections these brief bits are little More than a series of hallways with Masked and he's walking around you Aren't given any weapons aside from the Ones you keep on your train so you'll Either have to sneak around and wait for NPCs to walk by or just run past them Since they're slow stupid and have poor Aim you wish you never came here Sneaking is aggressively not fun since The only tool you're given to Aid you is The ability to lean left or right to Peer around corners from cover you can't Distract enemies do stealth takedowns or Even Crouch to Aid you in the effort Personally I found it more bearable to Just run past everything grab the egg And leave or if you're feeling cheeky
Just lead the enemies outside the mine Hop in your train and kill them with Your guns though that isn't really worth The time required to pull it off Oh As you progress through the story every So often you'll hear a Sinister train Whistle and know that you're chugging Towards a confrontation but any hope for Excitement is run flat because it's the Same encounter each and every time when The train appears you'll have to keep Moving and use any weapons you've got to Do some damage before Charles retreats To lick his wounds and begin the Predictable process again in the Earliest part of the adventure you'll be Far too weak to face the wicked Locomotive and will almost certainly get Murdered for which there are practically No consequences but after getting a few Upgrades and a couple new weapons like The deadly flamethrower or the rocket Launcher that takes way too long to Reload you'll be able to fend off Charles without issue it's just so Disappointing that every one of these Encounters is identical tutu Charles Just chases after your train swiping at You until you do enough damage to make Him leave you alone rinse and repeat Even when you get to the final showdown Which took me less than two hours both Times I beat it the only change is that
He gets bigger and occasionally Teleports to throw you off the demon Train doesn't use any new attacks or Surprise you in any way meaning every Time you face him after the first time Is just a predictable hum drum as you Coast along the railway all of the Potential Fear Factor is sucked out of The experience and replaced with Monotony choo choo Charles has a Distinctively low budget feel like how All the NPCs look like their characters In The Elder Scrolls for Oblivion and Don't move their lips when they talk Don't worry we can still find a way in In some ways that works in favor of its Absurdist style but in others it's less Charmingly bad and more outright Frustrating like how it occasionally Bugs out in one example the upgrade menu Popped up during the final cut scene Which meant I didn't get to watch the Entire ending of The Campaign until my Second playthrough that level of Jank Just kinda sucks even if it's being Unpolished makes some amount of sense For a game that's this sarcastic in its Creation [Music] Choo choo Charles is a silly mess of an Adventure with its joke premise falling Short of ever delivering the punchline Combat against the evil train is always Tedious and repetitive and running
Quests on foot is even more unappealing With awful stealth sections through Dilapidated hallways throw in some Annoying bugs and a lifeless empty map And this funny nugget of an idea Disappoints in so many ways it actually Makes me angry sadly I have to recommend You to choose a different way to spend Your time For some chaos that's more fun check out My review of Goat Simulator 3 or if you Want to hear about a different sort of Mess our review of Pokemon scarlet and Violet and for everything else stick With IGN I don't want to see it anywhere Near here again shoot dang